Say "Cheese"

This blog thing is very time consuming. I'm used to just writing a few notes to teachers and some checks. Spilling your guts, though cathartic, takes a lot of energy, creativity and time. So if some days you don't hear from me, just know that I'm either tired, have no information, or I'm busy writing bad checks all over town.

Like any cancer patient who is about to start their fight against the beast, I decided it was time to take care of the important things; determining the childcare issues, paying the bills (see above) and finishing any time-sensitive family tasks. I prioritized my list and set out to accomplish the first--I got my teeth whitened! I figured, heck, if I'm gonna be bald, I'm at least gonna have pretty white teeth--and my friend Courtney agreed with me, in fact, she really talked me into it. She said it would be a nice distraction. Not to mention, my sweet husband Ted can't hardly say no to me these days. So now, after a little chemo and radiation, I just may glow in the dark!

Speaking of radiating, I went to my first breast cancer event last night at Calvary and heard Birmingham television personality Brenda Ladun talk about her two-time battle with cancer. I'm sure she gave a wonderful presentation, but honestly, the only word I heard her say up on that stage was "SURRENDER." After that, everything else sounded like Charlie Brown's teacher. wawaaawaaawawaaawa. There it was, right in front of me. The solution to my problem: I'd not surrendered it all to God. I was talking the talk, but the walkin' part wasn't jiving. It was ok if God wanted me to have this cancer, but I wanted to take over at that point. A little power struggle was-a-brewin'. I've decided that He can have all the big stuff and I'll worry about sweeping up His crumbs. And I'm not even worthy of that!

Yesterday, I reread my last blog and boy, you could cut the anxiety with a butter knife. whew! The entry about the doctors and the coconut shells was perfectly descriptive of how I was feeling, (note to self: surrender) but low and behold if I didn't get an email from my sweet high school friend Traci Sprenger V. and she told me that God would be under all the shells, not just one!!!. duh. By telling me of her own experience, she reminded me that God doesn't operate that way and that he would never abandon me like that! So within an hour, I had received two incredible messages that not only put Satan back in his little red chair, but it re energized me to focus on my maker, not the taker. Boy, I feel better.

My doctors appt. went ok today. But I confirmed that my tumors are pretty darn big, so they are more than likely going to schedule chemo, heavy, heavy chemo before any surgery. I'm still in limbo--although my files, charts, etc., have all been rec'd by the docs at UAB, they can't see me any time real soon. So I'm making calls to PEOPLE WHO KNOW PEOPLE to pull any and all strings that I can. Kirby Bland is the man. To quote Norma Hanson, he's P.L.U. That's "People Like Us" for all of you outside the Houston County metro area. He's from Abbeville for gosh sakes.

I almost bought a blow dryer today. LOL

Surrender all people. Surrender all!

love bunches

p.s. Dona Stickler and Courtney Mann are organizing a team for the Breast Cancer Awareness walk/run on October 10 here in Dothan. Please go to Dona's blog @ www.thestickler7.blogspot.com if you would like to participate.